I DO for the REST of my LIFE – 27/12/14

He doesn’t let me be myself,and
I have known him for sometime
Every year he says he would change and
drop his bad attitude, but so far he hasn’t
Ok,may be a little
He is easily controlled by liquor and
 grass in a folded paper
and at times he tries to get me to join in with a sip and a puff
still, I do for the rest of my life

He claims he can control his liquor
but one mistake or may be two he made and lied about ,
he blamed it on the very same thing
So who controlled who ?
He said it was all in the past but this past ,he lies to cover it up
I have forgiven him even though he hasn’t fully come clean
He keeps horrid company as friends who would not relent in making him prove he is a man,
by doing things he knows I would frown at and most especially ,God  frowns at
still, i do for the rest of my life

He calls me names, and shows signs of distrust
He sees me as perfect so when I do something contrary to his expecations ,I am scolded for it
He opens up about what he has done .when i got upset
he defends himself with the saying  saying,” why am I upset ,what if he never told me?” .
He gratifies every fleshly pleasure and lacks self control ,making me spiritually dead but fleshly appeased
He makes it seem as tho he totally understands why there are padlocks all over
yet when given the slightest opportunity, he tries to make my guard down
still ,i do for the rest of my life

He is swift to make speeches and put lyrical words together
but he does not know the WORD in depth or at all
and can not encourage me with words that gladen my Spirit
He said he is willing to change,and i am thankful
but in the course of our courtship ,
any attempt to encourage him based on what gives me the strength to be positive and stay pure ,
he gets upset
He wants the positivity I enumerate
but does not want to know Him who makes me powerful in my weakness
still, i do for the rest of my life

He goes to church and has an appearance of Godliness and sometimes ,not at all
I dealt foolishly and thought he would also resist the passions as I tried my bit to ,
he said he is like a cat and his fingers can’t be still
and not willing to make him feel disgusted,
I released signs of not being happy when he tries hard to make our bodies meet
Always saying come ,I would say I do not want to and released threats,
I gradually got my standing or so i thought
still i do for the rest of my life

But ,Yet again like a bean in a pressure pot
he tried pressuring me to give up my emotions and show him ‘TLC’ ,
I was so close to letting my lips touch his but for reasons which are getting clear to me, I did not
Once he said ,what experience would I use to advice my kids and it sounded all right,
but now i recall and remember words of encouragement which says
‘my life should not be based on experiences but on scripture’
I was sincere and said ,I wanted to, but I just couldn’t
I opted for a neck peck which was nothing new from the past ;giving room for more lustful thoughts
still, i do for the rest of my life

He is not all worse
once he resisted my embrace because he did not want to get lost in my arms
Amazing he could be !
the societies music  -“No one is perfect” “Love is blind” ,”I would kill him with kindness and he’d change”
is my daily track ; i have blocked the soft music of the  vision of love i have been taught by my parents
still, i do for the rest of my life

My emotions seem to want him
But the Spirit is saying NO
But still I do for the rest of my life
He would change .

The continuation of this post SEE  —MANY HEARTS GOT BROKEN 


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