I was given to much drinking till i stagger and fall. Utterring words i need not say ,or is hardly heard from my mouth when in a sober state.Playing around with the ‘sisters and brothers ‘in the lord; indulging in things that shouldn’t be heard of .Immorality was the order of the day.sin needed no permission to rule in me since that was the only nature I knew and I was birthed in.I am well pleased to speak wrongly behind the person’s back I just smiled to her face and exchanged pleasantries few minutes ago .I knew who God was or so I claimed since he was always near my mouth when I’m in trouble or with the “brothers and sisters” in Christ but so distant from my heart when I indulged in every filth that my parents,pastor and those who saw me as a christian never saw me do,of course I got away with it ,or so i thought not remembering the one whom I would stand before on judgement day ,who knew every deed i had done while i made a profession to be a christian was watching . I had amnesia .
Can one identify with Christ yet leave like a sinner without no conviction of sin and urge to repent ?A question i had never asked my self or ever prompted to ask my self as I sat under preachers who hardly spoke nothing of holiness and God’s righteousness but how would they teach me on that. when they haven’t taken time to study on the attributes of God
Preacher who felt no need to confront me using the scripture of man’s sinful nature ie my sinful nature and burden of sin .
Instead they filled their sermons with their stories and motivational talks.They were bent on building my self esteem and helping me gain things that would all be left behind while my soul perished and headed for damnation .They made God appear as a ginnie in a kettle whom you would rub on ,and when he appeared ,I could make three wishes and it would be done.They taught me of a God formed by their imagination .
They took no time to instill the fear of God in me which is the beginning of wisdom and leads to the hatred of evil.Making me feel certain I was saved but with the obvious marks of not being saved I became uncertain.Weighed my life with Scripture vs comparing it with the words of the preacher man who were meant to be shepherds over the Lord’s flock .i was left in confusion .Yes i went back to study but exalted mans words over scripture .I say i am a christian yet I am the person in 1john 3 vs 8 .who makes a practice of sinning . Sinning was a habit.
I was adding to the numbers but not to Christ’s bride ;and because of me ,every unbeliever blasphemes against CHRIST .The eyes that pierces deep into the very darkness where most evil is done because he himself is light was seeing my deeds but I took no note of it .
Then it pleased the Lord to open my eyes to my true rotenness and helpless estate .The veils of my eyes were open to the beauty of His holiness ,righteousness,justice and mercy .There was an earthquake within me that shook my whole being and suddenly ,all my deeds and fleshly pleasures that once gave me satisfaction I now hate and detest when he encountered me .my savior in my filth and dirt snatched me from the demanding paws of sin whose pleasure lasts only for a moment .
I was like a pig who delighted in mud and rubbish ,a pig who could only be turned into a new creature by divine intervention .So how could a pig become a man and enjoy the good food man ate and ‘cleanliness ‘?How could I who ate the pigs food (theft, envy, jealousy, pride ,sexual immorality, lies, backbiting pornography, masturbation) abhor it and i suddenly had a longing for Holiness and Godliness and by the slightest mistake of trying to taste the filthy food again, I felt disgusted within and he drew my heart to him in repentance .In boldness I came before the throne of grace; He is that boldness that draws me to His throne that I may obtain mercy.
It has been a journey but a journey of outmost joy as i recall how a saviour spotless and without blemish came for me when clothed in filthy rags.When a smelly aroma oozed from my body yet it pleased him to make me his aroma. like a seed planted in the most fertile soil which is Christ I grow daily in holiness .no longer was I a person who identified with the son yet leaved like a foreigner .
My desires have shifted and i long for my heavenly home and my saviour.It is not my will but God who works in me both to will to do and to do of his good pleasure
The work of salvation is evident in my life and I am certain I am saved as I see the fruits of Godliness in my life and examine my self with scripture depending solely on Christ that lives in me .i can boldly say this Galatians 2 vs 20(I have been crucified with Christ .It is no longer i that lives but Christ that lives through me…)
By grace I have been truly saved and by grace i have increased;I have increased from love to hate ,From affection for things of this temporary world to hatred for them .O no, not the work of man or my own efforts which yielded nothing but stench, but God alone who could turn a pig to a new creature and now my whole being increases by grace in the salvation of our God .
Note from the author:
i looked into my life and from the teachings i had heard ,these words came to my mind. some incidents are related to my life .Nonetheless ,all is one because in my sinful nature ,whatever sin it be ,has been saved and daily i increase by grace.