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He likes to hear it too

Behind that strong covering is softness and affection
With every strength he guides you till you feel secure
he compliments you as his lady with beautiful words that sink deep
words you remember days and months after it’s said

so why do you delay when it comes to your turn
no, why wait for your turn
to tell him how much he means to you

It’s amazing how you could contain your feelings so much
I thought you were crazy in love with him
well you sure are one comported madly in love lady
a gentle madness I’d say ; how absurd!

Tell him how blessed you are to have him
how you are undeserving of his love unless you see his love as a right
My fair lady it is a gift not from him but from God
to let one of His sons love you wholly and fully with all patience and perseverance
You aren’t all that and a bag of chips, ok may be you are a bag of chips

Let him listen to you make noise to your friends about him for a change
You have no friends you say ?
Ok  surely that’s a lie but I’d let you go on that one
how about your family or what your generation calls social media
surely you can let everyone know how amazing he is

Ok , I get you
you like your life on private but I see you share every other thing
Don’t get me started on how you leave hints and clues for him
how you appreciate how he talks about you so much
and give off a sad look when he doesn’t for a few days

Now that’s being one sided
You can’t want to be treated like a lady
when you aren’t being feminine toward him that loves you or whom you love
You want to be treated equally then treat him equally right

I understand you are old school
but don’t let him think you have no feeling or like you see him as all wood and steel
You like it when he calls you all the pet names;
the sugar plums , the dumplings, the precious and the queen
Marking you out as “keep off” before his friends

How he speaks highly of you before his mum
I see you blushing away at the thought of it now
I’m sure you feel on cloud 9 or past it
It’s simmering in isn’t it? Oh snap out of it !!

I believe he’d like to feel same too
It would encourage him even more to be all man yet all compassionate and loving
All I’m saying is, he likes to hear it too

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I owed it to myself

I owed it to myself to tell you i loved  you
to punch fear and all it’s doubts away
to give anxiety and worry a haemorrhage in the brain
when it wouldn’t let my mind rest

I owed it to myself to love you fully and completely
because loving you was what I needed to gain my sanity
I felt at home and not at home
at home in your arms but pressing forward toward our final destination

I owed it to myself to open my heart bare before it turned sour
filled with regrets and pain of what wasn’t said
and if care was not taken It wouldn’t be said
so I decided to carelessly surrender to the truth of my heart

I owed it to myself to Love you when you did not deserve it
to be kind to you when you did not want to be towards me
to show you all the love I had for you if that minute came
the minute I thought would be perfect to display and surrender it

I owed it to myself not to let the anticipation for your reaction die
your reaction I thought out in my head
so I held on to it irrespective of the reality of your present actions
I was happy with all my mind imagined and thought

I owe it to you to pay myself all the debt
every penny and every pound of love to you
To prevent hate and resentment from gaining root and growing
Not thinking of what could have been but hoping toward what would be

I owe it to you to make you see my words are important to me
and I meant and mean all that was said ;physically, emotionally and spiritually
from my heart to yours, and my lips to your ears
I hope I pay you and I everything and be debt free at last
but still loving you like I ought to and you ought to be loved

Chasing waterfalls

We walked every morning towards the river
Hand in hand we enjoyed the daily view and quiet discussions
We shared how much we cared about each other
and in the silence of our thoughts
and minute stares understood what we said
We had committed to each other with no words
or popular stamps
and we were both content or so it seemed
we continued each morning from where we stopped
each time using a car
walking as far as our feet , conversation and adrenaline took us
the view of the river got beautiful as we walked it’s length along the path
as the days went by we started hearing people talk
No, we started listening to wagging tongues 

as they wondered where we were walking to 
at first it did not bother us 
but soon we started being  embarrassed as they said we won’t make it 
soon our walks got quiet and we could not understand our silence
we no longer held hands or cuddled as we walked 
then through the pin drop walk we finally came to the end 
as the rage of the water started sounding more strongly 
and we could feel drops on our cold bodies 
just like it touched the rocks at the bottom 
then looking up at the very end we realised because we listened to people
What started off as a walk and smooth adventure
Left us  feeling exhausted as though we were chasing waterfalls 

No butterflies

The nectar has been sucked out 
and the flowers are left with no taste 
or reason to be wanted or perched on
It’s nourishment still there and fragrance as strong as ever 
but it’s juices has been drained 
now she is left thinking 
wondering if she was flocked around for what she could offer 
that in that particular season
that was the only flower that produced sweet and smooth nectar 
and how much satisfaction they got 
 now it is all gone she is left alone
 
Loved by none only by passing shadows 
Wondering when her petals would fall
or someone would love her so much 
without a care in the world if she satisfies or not 
but would be please with fragrance she gives 
even to strangers passing 
She isn’t ashamed to flourish
Seeing the wondering hearts of why she has been left all this while 

Once caterpillars assembled round her 
but once they break out they fly away 
or a few break out and stay for a little while 
as her nectar is soothing and nourishing just for the time being
no fussy feeling left in her stomach days after 
or blushing petals at their presence 
just thought of what could have been 

Wondering If he was interested in something more
Whether she lost the reason he stayed or not 
but yet content with the person she is
and waiting till the next season
when the nectar is restored 
and is much more sweeter than before 
but the flower doesn’t point accusing fingers so much
he isn’t a botanist and doesn’t understand 
He doesn’t understand the times and the seasons
and isn’t acquainted with the lasting beauty in change and growing together 

I’m fine

These are words that mean more than it implies
It’s not literal don’t be fooled
It’s embellished and added with hidden meanings
Aimed at warding of further questions
an answer to encourage further questions
that may lead to the main answer
sometimes it’s literal but that’s 5% of the time
give or take

I’d tell you what he or she means
behind the I’m fine is or may be ;
I’m confused and disheartened
Life hasn’t been great
lonely and sad
crushed and broken
I’m hurting and I don’t really want to talk to you
or I’m hurting and I want you to stay longer

The truth is,
you can tell what these words truly mean
just put the conversation on the scale
when last did you guys speak
what did you hear from someone that made you ask,
How are you ?
may be from you can reach a good conclusion

I’m fine but please be patient to hear the true meaning
or at least ask further questions
that way he or she knows you aren’t rushing off
or ticking the box of questions
going through your list as you start a conversation

How are you ? I’m fine
but what’s behind that answer ?
It’s more than a thousand words
what is felt?  More than a million volts
but what is expressed? these two little words

Yesterday’s girl; Today’s woman

It took sweat and tears to become the lady you see
A whole lot of the Lord’s mercy and grace
It took internal and external scars to walk tall
There was a lot of laughter too
A lot of happy memories were made
but lots of , I shouldn’t haves
Regret you call it , Yes
but experiences that taught me the hard way

I can only think of my daughters
I took this bullets for you
bullets I wished I didn’t take
as it cost me part of my innocence
and part of my thoughts
My mind replaying and replaying it
but i wouldn’t sulk over all i’ve been through
although I am saddened each time I think back

If i could cage my thoughts permanently i would
so it doesn’t fly each time
and leave me wishing I could turn back the hands of time
to that minute where it all started
where I let you into my apartment
where i let you peck me on the cheek and hand
where I let you move your fingers
where I let myself move too close

My scars are your lessons
Hurdles to avoid
When he starts talking of how his body feels when he is around you
Telling you of his vulgar experience with ladies
sparing you no details so your mind starts imagining yourself in their place
It’s all part of his plan
to play on your emotions and let your emotions run
panting and pacing towards him

Your innocence is precious
I’d say to the girl of yesterday
not just the part of it but the whole of it
Once you let your guard down your mind is tampered with
and with each encounter you are eager to explore further
Even though the thorns sting ,
You are eager to see the petals
smell the roses of lust

You never forget your first encounter
It may not have lead to the loss of your jewel
but every closeness breaks the glass that shields that jewel
Yesterday’s girl
don’t see your self as strong when it comes with the matters of the heart
so you let anyone come in and dance to his tune
It might be easy for you to brush yourself up
but their foot prints are left on your heart
and finger print in your soul

Today’s woman be on guard
and  keep it that way
bury your head in your fight for your innocence
Wear your armour to shield you from the darts of your lust
raise your standards way higher than your heels
stand for something or you’d fall for anything momma said
make your decisions
think of the consequences before you act
Remember how you feel after
and how your thoughts haunt you
thinking of how God abhors it

Think of your yesterday’s girl
all the lovely memories
and lessons you learnt
The lovely people you met especially your family
The few perfect gentlemen that you came across
and build your today’s woman
I’m the yesterday’s girl but also the today’s woman

I guess you can’t hear

I said it so many times but not in the words you expect
I said it in the moments we shared
In every prayer I prayed for you
To everyone that asked me out
By shielding  my heart away from anyone else

I said it by worrying about you each time you were away
Or I couldn’t reach you
I said it by telling you how much I missed you
How I think of our future
How I trust that everything would be alright
Even though things seem difficult now

I said it by complimenting you in anyway i could
encouraging you for your hard work
I said it by annoying you in little ways
and apologising in cheeky ways
I said it when you pulled your prank

I said it by telling you what my family felt
but at the end of the day their decision would be based on what I feel
I assured you of that
I said it and say it in different ways but I guess it doesn’t mean anything
what you see and what I do seems to be a blur to you
I guess you can’t see