Role model

I would tell my daughter the truth
Your mother wasn’t a saint
She tried to make it known
To as many that paid attention
I’d tell her of the battles
Of the nights I cried to sleep
And woke up with the brightest of smile
I would tell her of days I did not pray
I’d tell her of days praying was my very breath
I’d tell her how I put away reason
And wronged a fellow woman
I’d tell her of my guilt
But even more of my repentance
If I must be a role model,
She must hear of
My battles
My temptations
My sins
My shortcomings
Then
My victories
How I overcame
Christ’s forgiveness
His perfection
I would tell my daughter the truth

 

My uniformed love

My recent fascination, I would say ( SOON you’d know why). There is something about men in uniform and how well defined they look. Majority giving off a certain aura with the way they walk. From the hats on their head to the boots on their feet and then that manly smirk positioned at the side of their face followed by the nod in acknowledgement of ones greeting. A few knowing this, they wink you into silent admiration. Then there is the fit men in uniforms, darling don’t be caught drooling. Then there is the fit and tall men in uniform, who tower over you or for someone like me, are able to look me into the eye and see my eyes sparkle as I give off a smile. Men in uniform are a sight to behold whether in the blue, the white and the green or in their ceremonial wears. Well decorated in gold and medals. Men in uniform are a glorious sight to behold. When they stand at attention or walk majestically down the hall way or the one who professes his heart to you. Men in uniform in all their poise and definition are a sight to behold. I promise they/he are/is a pleasant sight to behold.

Tourist’s passion

I’d travel to areas of your soul
That have hidden monuments
Of your softness and strength
Capture its images
Then I’d hurry to the spring of your heart
Take a bath in its soothing waters
Be filled with its abundance
I’d take a walk at the shore of your mind
and listen to your thoughts,
empty it of things that make you sad and worry
Then I’d hold your hands
As we explore what’s left of our world

 

Layers of healing

My darling,
You’ve peeled out 99 layers of the hurt
I hope the next layer,
The 100th layer you are about to take off
Reveals forgiveness
A thick layer of forgiveness
With healthy muscles from healing
No wounds, No bleeding
It’s time to see you covered in healing
It’s time for you to wear forgiveness

My fiancé is a poet

His heart drips metaphors 
that only I could understand 
He leaves commas and fullstops in the right places of my soul
during our conversation of varying lengths
and the beautiful wall of silence he builds 
when words fail him
with a door only me can walk through
understanding what he means
He loves me in symbols 
His prayer is one that goes through heaven’s doors
Asking the Lord to preserve me for him
His innocent touch is symbolic of him telling me to stay
asking me to trust him with the littlest and the most
His smile and laughter is a prose that draws my attention to the needful
one that assures me of the ease felt when loving well and genuinely
His stare is a symbolism screaming 
I’ve got you and when he says I love you, 
It is heavy and not light
A suitcase to be unpacked
Then the imagery he draws each time he stands by my side 
towering over me and hugging me till I wilt and reform
reminds me of a love I thought I had jeorpadissed long ago
My fiancé is a poet 
He has placed several rings on my finger
without placing a ring on my finger 
Then he has placed one ring all over me
Saying would you be mine forever on this side of eternity
with the loveliest of diamonds marking his promises
*If my fiancé becomes a poet*

He likes to hear it too

Behind that strong covering is softness and affection
With every strength he guides you till you feel secure
he compliments you as his lady with beautiful words that sink deep
words you remember days and months after it’s said

so why do you delay when it comes to your turn
no, why wait for your turn
to tell him how much he means to you

It’s amazing how you could contain your feelings so much
I thought you were crazy in love with him
well you sure are one comported madly in love lady
a gentle madness I’d say ; how absurd!

Tell him how blessed you are to have him
how you are undeserving of his love unless you see his love as a right
My fair lady it is a gift not from him but from God
to let one of His sons love you wholly and fully with all patience and perseverance
You aren’t all that and a bag of chips, ok may be you are a bag of chips

Let him listen to you make noise to your friends about him for a change
You have no friends you say ?
Ok  surely that’s a lie but I’d let you go on that one
how about your family or what your generation calls social media
surely you can let everyone know how amazing he is

Ok , I get you
you like your life on private but I see you share every other thing
Don’t get me started on how you leave hints and clues for him
how you appreciate how he talks about you so much
and give off a sad look when he doesn’t for a few days

Now that’s being one sided
You can’t want to be treated like a lady
when you aren’t being feminine toward him that loves you or whom you love
You want to be treated equally then treat him equally right

I understand you are old school
but don’t let him think you have no feeling or like you see him as all wood and steel
You like it when he calls you all the pet names;
the sugar plums , the dumplings, the precious and the queen
Marking you out as “keep off” before his friends

How he speaks highly of you before his mum
I see you blushing away at the thought of it now
I’m sure you feel on cloud 9 or past it
It’s simmering in isn’t it? Oh snap out of it !!

I believe he’d like to feel same too
It would encourage him even more to be all man yet all compassionate and loving
All I’m saying is, he likes to hear it too

I owed it to myself

I owed it to myself to tell you i loved  you
to punch fear and all it’s doubts away
to give anxiety and worry a haemorrhage in the brain
when it wouldn’t let my mind rest

I owed it to myself to love you fully and completely
because loving you was what I needed to gain my sanity
I felt at home and not at home
at home in your arms but pressing forward toward our final destination

I owed it to myself to open my heart bare before it turned sour
filled with regrets and pain of what wasn’t said
and if care was not taken It wouldn’t be said
so I decided to carelessly surrender to the truth of my heart

I owed it to myself to Love you when you did not deserve it
to be kind to you when you did not want to be towards me
to show you all the love I had for you if that minute came
the minute I thought would be perfect to display and surrender it

I owed it to myself not to let the anticipation for your reaction die
your reaction I thought out in my head
so I held on to it irrespective of the reality of your present actions
I was happy with all my mind imagined and thought

I owe it to you to pay myself all the debt
every penny and every pound of love to you
To prevent hate and resentment from gaining root and growing
Not thinking of what could have been but hoping toward what would be

I owe it to you to make you see my words are important to me
and I meant and mean all that was said ;physically, emotionally and spiritually
from my heart to yours, and my lips to your ears
I hope I pay you and I everything and be debt free at last
but still loving you like I ought to and you ought to be loved

Chasing waterfalls

We walked every morning towards the river
Hand in hand we enjoyed the daily view and quiet discussions
We shared how much we cared about each other
and in the silence of our thoughts
and minute stares understood what we said
We had committed to each other with no words
or popular stamps
and we were both content or so it seemed
we continued each morning from where we stopped
each time using a car
walking as far as our feet , conversation and adrenaline took us
the view of the river got beautiful as we walked it’s length along the path
as the days went by we started hearing people talk
No, we started listening to wagging tongues 
as they wondered where we were walking to 
at first it did not bother us 
but soon we started being  embarrassed as they said we won’t make it 
soon our walks got quiet and we could not understand our silence
we no longer held hands or cuddled as we walked 
then through the pin drop walk we finally came to the end 
as the rage of the water started sounding more strongly 
and we could feel drops on our cold bodies 
just like it touched the rocks at the bottom 
then looking up at the very end we realised because we listened to people
What started off as a walk and smooth adventure
Left us  feeling exhausted as though we were chasing waterfalls 

No butterflies

The nectar has been sucked out 
and the flowers are left with no taste 
or reason to be wanted or perched on
It’s nourishment still there and fragrance as strong as ever 
but it’s juices has been drained 
now she is left thinking 
wondering if she was flocked around for what she could offer 
that in that particular season
that was the only flower that produced sweet and smooth nectar 
and how much satisfaction they got 
 now it is all gone she is left alone
 
Loved by none only by passing shadows 
Wondering when her petals would fall
or someone would love her so much 
without a care in the world if she satisfies or not 
but would be please with fragrance she gives 
even to strangers passing 
She isn’t ashamed to flourish
Seeing the wondering hearts of why she has been left all this while 

Once caterpillars assembled round her 
but once they break out they fly away 
or a few break out and stay for a little while 
as her nectar is soothing and nourishing just for the time being
no fussy feeling left in her stomach days after 
or blushing petals at their presence 
just thought of what could have been 

Wondering If he was interested in something more
Whether she lost the reason he stayed or not 
but yet content with the person she is
and waiting till the next season
when the nectar is restored 
and is much more sweeter than before 
but the flower doesn’t point accusing fingers so much
he isn’t a botanist and doesn’t understand 
He doesn’t understand the times and the seasons
and isn’t acquainted with the lasting beauty in change and growing together 

I’m fine

These are words that mean more than it implies
It’s not literal don’t be fooled
It’s embellished and added with hidden meanings
Aimed at warding of further questions
an answer to encourage further questions
that may lead to the main answer
sometimes it’s literal but that’s 5% of the time
give or take

I’d tell you what he or she means
behind the I’m fine is or may be ;
I’m confused and disheartened
Life hasn’t been great
lonely and sad
crushed and broken
I’m hurting and I don’t really want to talk to you
or I’m hurting and I want you to stay longer

The truth is,
you can tell what these words truly mean
just put the conversation on the scale
when last did you guys speak
what did you hear from someone that made you ask,
How are you ?
may be from you can reach a good conclusion

I’m fine but please be patient to hear the true meaning
or at least ask further questions
that way he or she knows you aren’t rushing off
or ticking the box of questions
going through your list as you start a conversation

How are you ? I’m fine
but what’s behind that answer ?
It’s more than a thousand words
what is felt?  More than a million volts
but what is expressed? these two little words