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Yesterday’s girl; Today’s woman

It took sweat and tears to become the lady you see
A whole lot of the Lord’s mercy and grace
It took internal and external scars to walk tall
There was a lot of laughter too
A lot of happy memories were made
but lots of , I shouldn’t haves
Regret you call it , Yes
but experiences that taught me the hard way

I can only think of my daughters
I took this bullets for you
bullets I wished I didn’t take
as it cost me part of my innocence
and part of my thoughts
My mind replaying and replaying it
but i wouldn’t sulk over all i’ve been through
although I am saddened each time I think back

If i could cage my thoughts permanently i would
so it doesn’t fly each time
and leave me wishing I could turn back the hands of time
to that minute where it all started
where I let you into my apartment
where i let you peck me on the cheek and hand
where I let you move your fingers
where I let myself move too close

My scars are your lessons
Hurdles to avoid
When he starts talking of how his body feels when he is around you
Telling you of his vulgar experience with ladies
sparing you no details so your mind starts imagining yourself in their place
It’s all part of his plan
to play on your emotions and let your emotions run
panting and pacing towards him

Your innocence is precious
I’d say to the girl of yesterday
not just the part of it but the whole of it
Once you let your guard down your mind is tampered with
and with each encounter you are eager to explore further
Even though the thorns sting ,
You are eager to see the petals
smell the roses of lust

You never forget your first encounter
It may not have lead to the loss of your jewel
but every closeness breaks the glass that shields that jewel
Yesterday’s girl
don’t see your self as strong when it comes with the matters of the heart
so you let anyone come in and dance to his tune
It might be easy for you to brush yourself up
but their foot prints are left on your heart
and finger print in your soul

Today’s woman be on guard
and  keep it that way
bury your head in your fight for your innocence
Wear your armour to shield you from the darts of your lust
raise your standards way higher than your heels
stand for something or you’d fall for anything momma said
make your decisions
think of the consequences before you act
Remember how you feel after
and how your thoughts haunt you
thinking of how God abhors it

Think of your yesterday’s girl
all the lovely memories
and lessons you learnt
The lovely people you met especially your family
The few perfect gentlemen that you came across
and build your today’s woman
I’m the yesterday’s girl but also the today’s woman

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Please Cry.

I know you’re trying to be strong
I can feel your pressure rise
as though the oceans are trapped within
It’s waves tugging at your heart and mind
As you remember the times you shared with your loved one
The memories seem to propel confusion
False sense of strength
I know we have never seen you break down
or be vulnerable before us
But we know when you are hurting
You become oblivious
and denial starts to set in

I have been where you are at
I have lost a friend and a colleague
If those relationships seem too distance for you
For me to make you realise that I’ve been in your shoes
I have lost a family member
Every loss is hard
Whether blood or not
The strength of the relationship is what makes it even harder

If your loss is a heart break
Someone not seeing your worth
No matter how hard you tried to show them
Or may be you are just homesick or miss someone so badly
I’ve been there too
but I wouldn’t say I know exactly how the shoes feel
Same shoes but different feet belonging to different people
So No matter when that feeling comes or how it feels
It’s important to express it
Express it in a way you find relief and still have your sanity

Don’t hold back
Scream if you must
No!! you must
So please scream and let the walls hear your pain
Don’t spare our ears
May be that way we’d know how to sympathise with you
Let the oceans flow freely
Ask all the questions in your mind
but don’t beat yourself up
Ugly cry , because those are the tears that speak more
It shows the beauty of the relationship
The one you shared with the one your heartaches for

Don’t commit suicide
Don’t lose trust in God
Don’t be afraid of a hug
or of the sympathies you might get
Don’t be afraid to give your love to someone else
We know you are human
and it hurts
No, we won’t see you as weak
We all know you aren’t weak
You are very strong
strong enough to push out all your pain
Laying it bare through your eyes and before all eyes
Whether those around genuinely sympathise or not

In the shock of the moment
and blank stare into space
Let your pumps open up
Let your eyes see through the streams that flow
as your minds continue to race
and finally slows down its speed
Your heart finding relief
the pressure within steps down
Let your eyes eventually feel cool
As the streams dry out
The same coolness your heart feels

All these are beautiful feelings
but you can only feel joy and comfort
when you let go
Let go of the tears we see you trying to hold back
Please don’t spare your sheets or pillow
They’ve shared your happy thoughts
Good and horrible dreams
I’m sure they’d love to share your pain too
They’ve heard you talk in your sleep and snore away
I’m sure they can handle your screams

Let your mascara run after a heart break
There is nothing pretty about pain
but there is so much beauty in healing
and every process that comes with it
We know you might not let it all out in one go
No one ever does and I doubt if that’s possible
Or it doesn’t just take one session to heal
but please start the first session
and other sessions would get easier
till you find complete relief

You want my honest advice
Or words of wisdom
To strengthen you at this time
While I embrace you and pat your back
then please take this short,
but powerful advice with all the love in my heart
One of the best things I do when in pain
Are you ready for this?
Ok here it is sunshine
please my darling, Cry.

Clothed Compliments

I don’t mean to be picky
or read into your statements so much
but I want you to be plain
no hidden meaning

When you say ,”I look good for my age”
Where lies the emphasis,
on my age or how good I look
I strongly want to believe that it’s on how good I look
but I can’t overlook ” for my age”

Is my age old or young
You seem to know the forecast of looks for people my age
please educate me
soothe my curiosity

You say, “you don’t sound “black ”
Why don’t you say I sound good or bad
However you think “blacks” sound
that sentence makes it feel like “blacks” ,
excuse you, brown people sound a certain way
Which may be good or bad

Oh you aren’t full British
Your english sounds so good for you not to be British
Thank you that’s  a lovely compliment
but I’m trying so hard to see pass the comparative noun

You are pretty for a coloured girl
Are you mixed ?
Surely your dad or mum might be “white”
now that whole sentence is wrong

I can only hope you see the problem
no, i won’t just take the compliment as it is
Don’t compliment me while being bigotry to a group of people
or making a group seem like a standard for another

Please strip the compliments
Let it stand separated from all hidden insults
Give me naked compliments not clothed and suited compliments
If that is so hard, give me nothing at all
I promise no hard feelings

Not everyone wants your testimony

Before you pray for someone
don’t assume you know what they want
Just because they are a certain age or at a certain stage in life
or because the majority of people in that age seem to want the same thing
or hope for the same thing

Everything is going more than you expected,
that’s lovely but your expectation is not the same as others
so no more using yourself as a point of contact
when you aren’t sure if the person wants you to be the point
Simply ask the person you want to pray for, their expectation
and pray for them specific to their need
If they want what you have ,
then you can wish them the same and pray for them

You are happy with your testimony
but not everyone would be happy if they had your testimony
even if you both are at the same level, age
or have had similar breakthrough
what if the last breakthrough was the last similarity between you  both

Are you going into university , getting married,
starting a business, having a baby etc that’s beautiful
when people come to celebrate with you
If you feel the need to help them attain what you have
based on your assumption that they want to be where you’re at, don’t
or If you feel the need to wish them the same ,don’t
show your gratitude and pray that God grants them the desire of their heart
according to His will

When the circle gets smaller

Our differences are too big
We have different believes
We aren’t the same height
We are at different levels financially,
spiritually an mentally
pride has gotten in the way

We are from different states and countries
You don’t trust that I’d never say an evil word behind your back
You dint trust that I’m praying for you
You don’t trust that I’d cry with you
I am married with a family to call my own
You are single and living as you like
or so it seems

We’ve gone to different parts of the world
We’ve grown to have different interests
Our hearts are chasing after different things
Our goals are reaching different nets
Our echoes of need traveling at different distances

You have fallen ill
So many medications and prescriptions by your side  stool
Frail and shrivel we have become
Time is no longer on our side
but we are clenching to every minute
and  any minute from now ,
We’d be unplugged
Returning to what eternity holds for us

These are when the circle gets smaller
It started with 10 of us at the play ground in our neighbourhood
A big circumference we had
then we became 7 at nursery,
6 at primary school, 5 at boarding school
4 at university, 4 at our various careers
fighting our differences fiercely
and distance with virtual messaging
now in the advanced world,
we lost one to age,
Now 3, we became a triangle

Dear Friend, Say it as it is

Dear Friend,
Don’t tell me what i want to hear but tell me what i need to hear
Don’t tell me you love me  yet you are all chicken to tell me what needs to be done,what i need to know and  what would potentially save my soul
I may get angry or irritated when you tell me the truth but at least it’s the truth

Don’t give me meat substitute and call it meat because you think i’d be mad at you (you know i like meat)
I would probably be mad but not as mad as i’d be to find out you lied
Don’t see me treating honest gentle men in a wrong manner
and laugh with me when you know it’s wrong
Don’t congratulate me when i do something contrary to what is expected by God just to make me feel good
Please call me out

I may try to deceive myself that all is well
but a voice other than mine telling me what i need to hear would slap senses back into me
Faithful are the wounds of a friend as stated in proverbs 27 vs 6
so please wound me with your words or if it be physical wound, do so
but don’t kiss me with lies as an enemy ought to,
or embrace me with toxic niceness
please care for my soul

Tell me i’m wrong for being sexually immoral;
Giving up myself  to a guy who is not my husband
Tell me i’m wrong for not standing up for what is right,
for not being straight forward with my feelings
Tell me i’m wrong for dressing in a seductive manner
Tell me! so i may run back to God in repentance

Cry with me , laugh with me, dance with me , joke with me but  PLEASE
Dear friend, say it as it is.

God answered my prayer with a smile

YOURS TRULY,FRIEND

11 years ago I met a girl Beautiful as the evening stars and I was spell bound and fell in puppy love 🐶
My heart would pound like yam every time I saw her, well unfortunately the feelings were not mutual.
I prayed for  the day I would not be shy to speak to her, the day I would at least call her my friend.
God answered my prayer with a smile, a well crafted smile. One so wide to show me that distance didn’t affect true friendship, Dimples so deep reminding me how deeply I cared.
And as the days turned into months, and months to years, and finally the decade went by,
I discovered that the girl who was a stepper was more than just that, she was a friend being prepared by God.
There are few people I care about enough to love with a huge part of my heart
So should our friendship fade in time, or should it die  choked with business ?
No because everytime you smile and look in the mirror remember you have a friend who would be there smiling back at his own iPhone 😁:D wishing you well and looking out for you.
God answered my prayer with your smile